anger how to handle anger

How can you handle your anger smartly

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Ordinarily, this feeling of anger is the opposite of love, as love draws you towards another person; anger sets you against the person. Read on as we explain the fundamentals of anger through a series of questions.

Are we enveloped in anger?

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Look around yourself, and you will notice that everyone is angry at some point or the other. Parents are angry at children, children are angry at parents, spouses are angry at each other, employees are angry at bosses, bosses are angry at employees, and citizen is angry at the government.

Switch on the television you will routinely watch news clippings of angry demonstrators taking out their wrath against someone or some organization and elite panel comprising of distinguished members hurling abuses at one another just to win the discussion. Go out and spend some time in a market, at a railway station or at an airport, you will find that people somehow find reasons to get involved themselves in altercations.

What is anger?

Anger is not an emotion but is actually a cluster of emotions involving the body, the mind and the response that comes from certain events or situations in life that cause irritation, frustration, pain, disappointments, rejection, or other displeasure.

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Generally, in anger there is first a provoking event; second, an interpretation of that event; and third, the rising emotion of anger, when leads to the physiological changes that take in the body, and you are ready for action! Much of your anger grows out of internal emotions and thinking patterns that have developed over the years.

How to handle anger?

Every moment you spend in anger takes you further away from the good things that life has in store for you! Some things can be done to handle it. Consciously acknowledge that you are angry; say it aloud, that you are angry, such a statement makes you aware of your own anger and also helps you recognize both your anger and the action you are going to take.

Restrain your immediate reaction; avoid the common but destructive reaction of verbal or physical venting or their opposite, withdrawal or silence, because some wait can help you avoid both saying and doing things that you may not mean and later will regret. Locate the locus of your anger; what words or actions by the other person have made you angry? Determine the seriousness of the offense as some wrongs are minor and others are major.


The level of seriousness should affect your response. Analyse your options; ask yourself, does this action that I am considering have any potential to deal with the wrong and help the relationship? And will it do any good to the person at whom I am angry? The best ways are to confront the person in a helpful way or to consciously decide to overlook the matter.

And finally take constructive action; if you have chosen to let the offenses go, then contemplate on your decision and let it go. And on the other hand, if you have chosen to confront the person, then listen to any explanation which can give you a different perspective on the person’s action and intentions. Forgive the person if he/she admits to their mistakes. Forgiveness is immensely important on the spiritual and materialistic path both!

How to correctly respond to an angry person?

At first, the best thing you can do is hear him/her part of the story patiently preferably three to four times. This shows that you really want to understand what happened and you are not condemning his/her anger. Then, after further contemplation on the matter, ask yourself if you would be angry in the same situation.

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Speak with compassion; affirm the other person’s feeling of anger. At this point, you may help the person realize that you have not wronged him/her. And then finally, if the person’s anger is valid and you have wronged him/her, then confess any wrong which you have done and seek to make right the wrong you have committed.

Is all anger bad?

Anger can be a powerful and positive motivator, useful to move you towards loving action to right wrongs and correct injustice, but the difficult part is that in your moment of rage you forget about setting things right and end up making things worse. It is imperative that you process your anger in a positive way!

-Nimrata Chadha,
Noted Spiritual Therapist
Reach her at


“Be aware that if you allow criticizing, slanderous, rude, ignorant or hurtful people into your life, by not dealing with them you are telling the universe that you find it acceptable to have these people in your life and you are happy to accept the universal flow which continues to send the experiences to you. From today choose to create a shift in your energies by refusing others to dictate who, how and what you should be.”

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